I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
