Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
