tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
