I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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