"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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