i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
