even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
