I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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