I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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