I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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