We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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