All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
