I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Success! We fucked roommates!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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