He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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