True but thats because hes a fetus.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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