I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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