i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
