Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize