I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
