I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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