im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
