I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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