but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
