I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
