conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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