this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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