shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
