I smell stomach acid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
