Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
