i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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