If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
