Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
