when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
