He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
