Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
vagina is talking i cant
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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