There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
