yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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