Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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