After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize