I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
