I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
