you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
