just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
