like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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