are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
