Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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