The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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