thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
