Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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