Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
