He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
