i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."