You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game