Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned

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  (973): My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned http://tfl.nu/s0bf
  Replies (19) Good night (3665) Bad night (802)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick

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  (631): I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/3foz
  Replies (25) Good night (738) Bad night (4090)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (30021) Bad night (1527)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

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  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (7406) Bad night (931)
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  (323): View more from California

  How did I end up in the pool?!

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Welcome to ASU

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  (323): How did I end up in the pool?! (480): Welcome to ASU http://tfl.nu/zi7q
  Replies (8) Good night (2446) Bad night (712)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.

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  (703): The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party. http://tfl.nu/q2r5
  Replies (4) Good night (3887) Bad night (690)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.

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  (248): We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh. http://tfl.nu/c1tt
  Replies (7) Good night (1415) Bad night (583)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?

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  (610): On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate? http://tfl.nu/oozq
  Replies (8) Good night (1501) Bad night (513)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.

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  (205): Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line. http://tfl.nu/zcb1
  Replies (9) Good night (905) Bad night (555)
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  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day

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  (516): sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day http://tfl.nu/3ryn
  Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (802)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"

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  (907): So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!" http://tfl.nu/9w9p
  Replies (0) Good night (971) Bad night (254)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it

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  (954): My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it http://tfl.nu/o7iy
  Replies (9) Good night (1062) Bad night (272)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!

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  (412): i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt! http://tfl.nu/8lpp
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (326)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia

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  (708): Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia http://tfl.nu/57sg
  Replies (6) Good night (262) Bad night (886)
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  (530): View more from California

  Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.

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  (530): Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery. http://tfl.nu/qyfd
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (565)

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