We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.