I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..