Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(276): View more from Virginia

Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

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(276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face http://tfl.nu/0y76

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

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(413): You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uoqp

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

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(609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir

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(256): View more from Alabama

Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.

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(256): Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night. http://tfl.nu/gx6d

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(205): View more from Alabama

Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

(1-205): View more from Alabama

You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

(205): View more from Alabama

This explains so much.

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(205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy

Replies (30) Good night (17895) Bad night (886)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I honestly don't know what to make of that.

(423): View more from Tennessee

A ham sandwich would be nice.

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(423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s

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(206): View more from Washington

He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

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(206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

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(603): it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis http://tfl.nu/b4c1

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(541): View more from Oregon

you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you

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(541): you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you http://tfl.nu/5gma

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(860): View more from Connecticut

in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore

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(860): in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore http://tfl.nu/eivb

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(940): View more from Texas

I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

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(940): I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again. http://tfl.nu/j6me

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(304): View more from West Virginia

The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.

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(304): The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man. http://tfl.nu/dffi

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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(715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu

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(317): View more from Indiana

No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.

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(317): No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored. http://tfl.nu/emh2

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(604): View more from British Columbia

So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.

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(604): So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk. http://tfl.nu/87wr

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