Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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(979): View more from Texas

I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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(540): View more from Virginia

You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

(679): View more from Michigan

I wanted to be a dolphin.

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(905): View more from Ontario

he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love

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(530): View more from California

So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!

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(912): View more from Georgia

I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...

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