Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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