you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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