This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
