I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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