So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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