I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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