Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
