We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
