are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize