so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
