I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
