if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
