She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
