when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
