New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
