My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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